7/22/2016

Author’s note:  This is a recollection of my events from a year ago.  There is no need to panic.

Something is wrong.  I shouldn’t feel exhausted.  Maybe it is a side effect of cancer?  Or maybe I am still recuperating from my hospital stay?  Regardless, I feel very tired.

I have an appointment with a surgeon today.  He will go over my case and decide if they should operate.  As soon as I get out of the shower I lie down on the bed for a few minutes.  I just need to rest.  After about ten minutes I get up and finish getting ready.

When I get to the doctor’s office he tells me, “I am quite concerned about your color.  You look very jaundiced to me.  I don’t think your in the best physical shape to withstand an operation.”

I am disappointed.  I had hoped that they could cut the cancer out of me but that is not the case.  As I leave the office I collapse into a chair in the main lobby.  I sit there, dazed for the next twenty minutes as people walk by, trying to muster the strength to get back to the Jeep.

I leave the office lobby and walk to the garage.  I have to walk up the incline to make it to the Jeep.  It is maybe a forty-five second walk but it feels like forever.  As I walk I can feel my breath giving out and my heart beating in my chest.  I am exhausted again by this short little walk.  I make it to the Jeep, struggle to climb in and rest for a couple of minute before turning the ignition.  I hope maybe this can pass in the next couple of days.

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