Author’s note:  This is a recollection of my events from a year ago.  There is no need to panic.

It is my third day in the hospital (fourth, if you count the Saturday night that I was admitted).  I get around to telling my ex-girlfriend what has been happening to me.  Many friends wonder why I still speak to her.  In American we are supposed to vilify our ex’es.  I am different in that I still care very deeply about her and none of that has ever faded.  I tell her everything that has happened and she is concerned.  I promise that I will keep her updated.

It is early in the evening when the doctor comes to my room.  Despite the light still outside my room faces the south casting a gloom over everything.  Kelly is there with me.  The doctor asks if it is okay to speak with Kelly present and I let him know that it is.  He explains that I have stage 2 endocrine pancreatic cancer with metastasis in the liver.  I know nothing about cancer so I accept the diagnosis as is.  Several months from now I will do my own research and realize that any sort of metastasis is usually indicative of stage 4.  The doctor further explains that the type of cancer I have is rare.  It’s the one that Steve Job’s had for several years.  Jobs had tried holistic remedies as part of treatment as well as a liver transplant.  That’s what that Apple money will get you.  The more common form of pancreatic cancer is exocrine, which is what Patrick Swayze had.  It burned through him in a matter of months.  They will prescribe blood thinners to me which I will administer as shots into my belly.  The blood thinners will help break the clot in the pancreas.  On Friday a surgical consult has been scheduled.  They want to see if they could cut the cancer out of the liver.

As soon as the doctor leaves Kelly starts to cry.

I smile and say, “It will be okay.  I promise.”  My first thought is to always reassure her.  I don’t want anyone to worry and this is an initial diagnosis.  There is always hope.

My birthday is tomorrow and I hope that I am discharged.  The thought of spending my birthday in a hospital room is depressing.  There is not much more they can do for me here.  I am anxious to use my own shower and sleep in my own bed.

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